Reality Lessons From A Bachelorette

I'm in my early 40's and fully expected to be married by now. Most of my friends are or have been married, some even two times. In college, I dated one guy steadily but we decided we were too young to marry. Following that I dated men throughout my career days in New York City. Then I thought I might try one way-out tactic, The Dating Game television show. Participating required that I fill out a soul-searching 5-page survey about my dating habits and qualities I was looking for in a date. The survey got me an audition for the show. From there I was chosen to be a Bachelorette "picker."

Bachelor #1 Despite my efforts as a Dating Game Show bachelorette, my short-lived relationship with Bachelor #1 did not turn into marriage. Currently I find my life imitating that reality television show. Since that escapade four years ago, I have been dating a man who is similar to Bachelor #1. Recently I realized that if I hope to marry, I had better make a change – in me that is. Luckily I have the benefit of rewinding the videotape of that Dating Game episode to really understand the reality of me and my dating practices.

When I reviewed the tape of the show, I noticed some character defects in Bachelor #1 that were clear. At the time, I paid no attention. My father calls it, "hindsight is 20/20." I seemed to be caught up in the heat of the moment and was swayed by the audience favorite (one of my character defects).

Bachelor #3 One of the questions I asked the Bachelors was, “I use tarot cards to help me discover the future. What will you see when I deal your cards?” Bachelor #3 responded in a way that told me he wanted to share and support me and my dreams, “You'll see our ranch on the range with smoke coming from the chimney. And I’m saddling up a black thoroughbred horse as the sun is setting, preparing to ride off into the sunset to hunt the mystery of life for you.” I was intrigued by Bachelor #3’s answer with “horses” and “mystery” but also a little unnerved since both are part of my biggest dreams in life. What if I got them?

I asked the same tarot card question of Bachelor #1. He responded, “We would probably be in a beautiful starry night on a California evening. And you would be watching my encore performance as the opening act for KISS. You would be the next Heather Locklear.” Bachelor #1, who claimed his quick wit is a hit with women, expected me to be in the audience adoring him and looking beautiful.

Both the audience and I laughed hysterically at Bachelor #1’s answer. The familiar horn section from The Dating Game theme song started signaling Chuck Woolery’s announcement that time was up and I would pick a Bachelor after the commercial break. “ We’ll be back in two and two,” Chuck motioned with peace-sign fingers – first front and then back.

When Chuck Woolery finally asked for my choice, I nearly chose Bachelor #3 since 3 is my favorite number. At the last minute I said, “Bachelor #1!” Bachelor #1 was funny. He talked about poetry and bean bag chairs and did a great imitation of Barney Fife.

As it turned out Bachelor #1 was a comedian, comfortable being the star. He was most interested in being funny and getting a reaction out of the audience. Bachelor #1 seemed to be looking for a back-up woman, someone to prop him up. Bachelor #3 was not shy about showing that he sincerely cared about his date. He would have been a better long-term choice. For my marriage, I’d like a guy who wants to work with me and share in meeting some of my needs too.

The Dating Game Prize trip I won included two days in Las Vegas with tickets to see Susan Anton in The Radio City Spectacular. At the show, the maitre d' asked me how many were in my party. "One, please," I said handing him my Dating Game coupon. "Only one?" he questioned, looking at me with a sympathetic expression. "Yes," I said simply. (I did not explain that Bachelor #1 had chosen not to accompany me on the trip but stayed home with his live-in gal pal.) "Well no one is better than the wrong one," the maitre d' wisely summed up.

Insights This Dating Game Show review process taught me valuable lessons: 1) dating is the fun research phase leading to marriage 2) reality shows are staged and practiced however the experience can teach me about real life 3) keep my dating expectations in check and keep my eye on the ultimate goal of marriage.

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